embracing change and the way of the tao aka why i stopped blogging and other life lessons

beware of anything that ever calls itself a dream job. if jobs were dreams then they wouldn't be jobs. 

About a year and a half ago I apparently stopped blogging. It wasn't some big, momentous decision. It was more like a fizzle and a constant string of self-deluding promises that I was about to get back to it. Until one day I just stopped caring.

That's when things really started to happen.

I started a blog to have a space where I could share my own unique take on lifestyle, fashion, and art.

It turned into a job, quite literally, where I was sneakily advertising things in a forum that was meant for honest sharing. I know a lot of bloggers do that and I'm not criticizing it across the board. It's just not for me. A lifestyle blog should champion a specific way of life -- your way. Winning that competition forced me to live a life that wasn't something I would have chosen for myself. And that's where the disconnect happened.

Have you ever had to lead a lifestyle that you didn't agree with? You constantly feel like an impostor.

I'm not about overconsumption. I'm not about owning lots of stuff just cause you want stuff all the time, like you're trying to fill some void inside which can't be filled with stuff but you think maybe if you get more stuff it'll somehow give you substance. This blog is not about low spending or high spending. It's not about luxury or brand names. It's not about never repeating the same outfit or having a different pair of sunglasses for every outfit. It was never meant to be about any of that.

Winning a competition that championed the lifestyle of excess and supposed luxury was powerful enough to distract me from the things I really wanted to be doing. It brought me a bunch of fake friends who liked me for my sparkly new plastic lifestyle and it made prior fake friends expose themselves because my seemingly "good fortune" at the time wasn't something they could handle. And by judging me harshly in order to make themselves feel better for not getting that "good fortune" instead of me, they ended up acting like asses. It also brought out a few crazies... yikes.

I guess in the end it all balanced out. And happily, I no longer have any of those people in my life.

There were some fun times, don't get me wrong. I guess that's part of the reason it was so distracting. The entire time I thought that I was doing something I ought to. A necessary stepping stone on the path of progress. And sure, I was doing it in my own personal way with my own personal flare. But in reality, I was losing sight of my own ideals and desires. For some people, fashion parties might be the end all be all of everything awesome. To me, they are tedious and I have trouble conversing with most of the people there. At the majority of events I went to, I ended up chatting with the photographers, bartenders, website programmers and artists rather than my fellow bloggers or the occasional celebrities who popped up. But that's not what I was supposed to be doing. I was supposed to be chasing the celebrities. But to me that was so uninteresting. Why would anyone want to be doing that?

During the entire time I had this job I was artistically stunted. I didn't make a single thing when all my life I've taken extreme pleasure in letting my creativity surge.

But thanks to that extremity with which the pendulum swung in one direction, it swung back just as hard in a direction that has brought me to where I am today. And for that, I am eternally grateful. Maybe it's a journey I simply had to take so I could share the experience and remind people that living simply and according to your own ideals feels way better than chasing fame or the little flecks of fame that you can gather from being around other, more famous people. Because everyone is clamoring about trying desperately to gather up all the little flecks of fame they can find. And it's pretty sad when you think about it.

Recalibration is a blissful thing when you let it happen and stop fighting it. If you're feeling muddled or confused at all, I highly recommend slowing down for a minute and finding where you lost your way. The constant, frenzied onward push can be a very successful distraction that can keep you from personal growth.

Stop and ask yourself the hard questions in life -- who are YOU and what do YOU want?

Once I did that, I realized why blogging made me so unhappy when at first it brought me so much joy. Free blogger swag, overconsumption and excess, sneaky advertising, giving a crap about what celebrities wear -- all this stuff makes me feel like I'm just helping stuff landfills with poorly made garbage so that some CEO of some shitty corporation can take home a few extra million. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going full throttle in the other direction. I'm not saying that we should all stop showering, grow out our leg hair and live solely off the earth all hippy dippy either.  (Not that there's anything wrong with that). But me -- I'm still a consumer. I still enjoy plumbing, shaving and curating my life into something that makes me happy.

But that's just it. Curation means tailoring down. Not owning as much as possible. This is not a critique of people who choose that lifestyle (well maybe a little it is), but mostly it's just about doing things differently.

So if you're about travel and exploration, self-reflection, owning things that you cherish vs. owning so much you don't even know what you have, leading life according to your own ideas and not society's... then Welcome!

Let's play.


12 comments:

  1. AWWWWW--- I am so happy to see you are back. I know this has been a transformative time for you (if only to reveal yourself for authentically), and I am so excited to see you come out the other end! I KNOW you will be a wonderful asset to the world of blogging... and a voice I want to read.

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  2. Anonymous7.8.14

    Thank you for a very honest and sincere post.

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  3. I love you so much KEK!!! I'm glad you emerged stronger from that experience :) Thanks for sharing and I do look forward to anything else you feel like sharing in the future.

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  4. Welcome back dear! It's easy to get lost in fashion, or in the translation of the "industry," and many people don't see pass the bells and whistles. I know I had to when I first started working in the fashion industry, and knowing that all of the glam doesn't necessarily equal happiness helped. Glad to see that you found your way back to what makes you happy! :) /Madison

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  5. It's good to have you back, Kristy. Can't wait to read more. And by the way, I hate shopping too. It's quite tedious.

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  7. eischa13.10.14

    Thank you for your post.. It was great you wrote about this subject.. And I really felt I am not alone out there. There are still people with heart, with moral and courage...you describe exactly how I am feeling in this world/industry, cause I am still working there.. But it is so superficial for me, also the behaviour of most of the people there.. it is really sometimes painful for me and I understood your decision very well. Even if its hard to quit.. Love and all the best to you kristy..

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  9. Anonymous29.10.14

    Extremely refreshing, your refreshment.
    Love from an old dippy hippy.
    <3 UB

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  10. Ex Lady Noix de Coco here! Had the same issue, am much happier now, and am blogging for myself, not to satisfy egos :-) hugs!xx

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  11. Wow, I seriously love this post. I'm a Rider student as well as a style and faith blogger. I was recently flown to London for the Cosmopolitan Blog Awards because I got to be a finalist in the category of "Best International Fashion Blog". It was an amazing experience and had me at an all-time high for a long time. Soon after though, I wondered "what's next?" and got discouraged in the slow progress. That's when I had to redirect my focus. I remembered why I began blogging in the first place which is why this post resonates! So glad I found someone to connect with - a Rider alum at that! :)
    http://adornedinarmor.com

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  12. Glad to hear it, Kristy! I fizzled out on blogging 5 More Minutes too (different reasons). I'm glad you are back to pursuing your joy. :) All the best.

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